Self Control
by caskettshipper3
Summary: "She'd be willing to stay for much longer, forever maybe, but tonight. Tonight they'll enjoy each other."


**_I need to get this out of my head. Plain and simple._**

**_Josh never showed up that day at the precinct and Rick got to finish his sentence. What would happen? _**

* * *

"Alright. Come on, almost there."

Kate couldn't believe after everything they'd been through in the past two days, she found herself in a dark loft after 2 am carrying a very drunk Richard Castle to bed. He was heavier than she had anticipated and her knees were starting to buckle. This night had been a very bittersweet one.

* * *

_"So listen, I was thinking" come on Rick. Be a man. "maybe, if your not tired, we could grab a drink? I could use it." He smiles that smile that he knows she can't resist. After today, he'd rather never let her go again, but just having her for an extra hour would do. _

_She smiles at him and her eyes do that weird hazel/green glint that he loves. "Sure, Castle. I'd love to." _

_"Old Haunt?"_

_"Old Haunt."_

* * *

Their night at the bar had been filled with laughs, touches, and just enjoying each other's company, being alive. Subtext was firmly in place, but neither of them needed the words. Their eyes portrayed everything. After far too many for Rick and not enough for Kate, they called a night Kate accompanied home to keep him out of trouble. Truthfully, she just didn't want to let go yet. which is how they ended up how the were now.

She laid him in the bed and then went in search of ibuprofen. After he'd take the pills and some water, she helped him undress. Whether it was the things they'd been through, their close proximity, or the lack of his clothes, they didn't know, but some how they ended up wrestling on his bed. Their mouths were attached and the thick layers of clothing they wore to keep warm were flying away piece by piece. It took them being down to their underwear, the heat of their skin touching, to wake her up.

"Wait stop." She panted out. She looked down at him, her hands on his bare broad chest, his midnight blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight, and she almost dove back into him. But, "This is wrong."

He looked at her confused. The water and pills had unfogged his brain slightly, only for her tongue to blurry it. But when she stopped, his haze was slightly cleared. He was so enjoying the feel of her curves under his hands, he didn't register what she was saying. He smoothed the pads of his thumbs over her hips, slowly brought his hands up to massage her bra clad chest. He smiled as he saw her hips slightly roll forward and her head drop back slightly, but just as quickly she was stopping his hands.

"Castle. I can't. We can't."

"Why not?"

She didn't want to. She would ruin their moment, soil it with the truth, but she had to. "Josh."

And just like that, a bucket of cold ice water was dumped on him and he dropped back into the mattress, speechless. He wants her, no doubt about it, but he knows what it's like to be cheated on and this can't happen. She rolls off him and they lie next to each other, both heart broken about what could've been. Rick's heart is lowly dying in his chest until she speaks.

"I don't want him."

He turns to see her already staring at him. She takes his face and kisses his nose. He looks at her in amazement. "I don't want him. I want you."

"So why are you still with him?"

She breathes in and lies back on her back. "He's safe. He is a guarantee that my heart will never be broken. Like I said, I can keep one foot out the door. I really thought we had a chance, but" she sighs deeply "I just don't love him as much as I love you." Those words break him and he's on her again, pressing her into the mattress and showering her with love.

"I love you too." He pants into her neck and she holds his head, neither of them moving. Just holding each other while their emotions run free down their cheeks. He rolls off of her, knowing he's heavy, but pulls her into his chest, spooning her. "Just stay. Just for tonight."

And she does. She'll be willing to stay much longer than that too, possibly forever, but tonight's okay for now. Tonight, they'll enjoy each other.

Hell of a day, indeed.


End file.
